I am disappointed. Disappointed about me. What am i doing — fucking nothing. I always believed that i have talents, and so do most of my friends. I know what looks good and what looks bad (speak: Æsthetics) and i know what makes sense and what not (speak: logical and practical layout/interface design). I am not a world class graphic artist and i am not a world class interface designer, that’s for sure, but i am “not bad” in what i am doing. If i do something.
Most time (like 99%) i just pitty myself and struggle with my current life: I am working as a janitor in a hostel & hotel where i have to bring weird computer ideas to life, which my weird boss comes up with. My bank account recieves about 1000 € each month for that. Which is a joke. I work here because there is no other job here on the island where i can do what i like.
Why don’t you move to a big city where you can get a better job? Because i fear failing. Because i fear that my talents are really not that great. I never really had someone (except my friends, but maybe they have no clue — they are not into that stuff) who supported me and helped me believe in myself, so i was the only one who told me that i have talents — and maybe i was wrong all the time.
I am such a terrific selfpittyful sissy. I should be sorry for being such a stinky rose.
I should quote someone from a different island here, just for my own sake: “In the summer I tend to take a lot of breaks and sit in the sun or go for a walk. I spend a lot of time thinking. Just staring into space and thinking. Does this count as work? Sometimes.”
3 Comments
Manuel
I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You are indeed very talented, and very helpful. You’ve helped me sort out bugs on iLT, suggested great links and resources and been a great contributor overall.
Though I can’t say whether or not you should leave the island, I do feel pretty sure that you would not be a failure. Someone with your enthusiasm, talent and willingness to help will never be a failure – whatever job you do.
Manu my pal, don’t know quite what to write as this one comes in as quite a shock. What I can tell you however is that you indeed have talent to do the stuff you want. Not many people understand it all, yet I find myself looking into the same direction as where your designs/posts/etc point towards. Maybe that’s because I have too many brain twists or that I have gut feeling about design too (although I cannot produce it myself, I can tell if a design is good or not … very strange).
I myself have felt the fears too, am I good enough to do webdesign? Can I make it on my own? Right now I’m in a situation in between it all: I do a fulltime job and do some freelance work too. Not that much right now, yet the goal is to do both 50/50 at a given time. Maybe after that (which won’t be here until 10 years from now) I won’t be afraid anymore to take the plunge and go for it 100%.
Manu, you know you’re good at design. And you know that you love the frisian underground too … the ideal situation would be the best of both worlds: fulltime work at the hostel (or 3/4) combined with some freelance activities.
You ARE good at design buddy.
Take that from someone who is into that stuff.